I’m 3 years old living with my Momma, 2 sisters and 1 older brother in Alexandria. Our dad went out for cigarettes one day and never returned. My very first real memory was of us kids playing in the living room, Momma and Bobby (her new boyfriend) were in the kitchen. We suddenly hear an awful crash and Momma cry out from the kitchen. We go running to see what was happening. Just as I get to the kitchen I see the back screen door slamming shut, Momma on the floor, chairs turned over and trash strewn about. “What happened, Momma?!?” Through tears she tells us that Bobby hit her but now he’s gone so it’ll be okay. If only that had been true.
The next memory I have we were at my Grand-daddy’s house, apparently Bobby had moved in with us or vice versa and he had beaten Momma up so we ran to Grand-daddy’s to get a way. I remember he and Momma talking and him telling her if she went back to Bobby he wouldn’t help her again. Sadly, she did end up going back to Bobby within a few short days. I’m sure he promised her the world and swore he would never hit her again. And again……….if only that had been true.
It saddens me that when I think back to my childhood most of my memories are bad ones. I have to really stop and think to try to remember anything good about it. Christmases, Easters, birthdays, everything is surrounded by bad memories. I feel great sadness but at the same time a lot of anger too! Lots and lots of anger! People tell me to forgive so that I can let go of the anger. I’m not sure I can ever do that. I am a Christian and I know that God has forgiven a lot from me and therefore, I should be willing to forgive people. I’m just not sure I will ever be able to forgive that monster!