I think everyone is waiting for me to share more of the horror which I called childhood but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to write much lately. I guess thinking about it and writing what little I have written brought back a lot more feelings than I thought it would. Right now as I’m sitting here typing this my head is literally spinning, I feel dizzy and nauseous. This is all normal for abuse victims. Any type of “trigger” will cause a number of different physical issues. The dizziness and nauseousness are mild compared to some of the other issues it can cause. I use to experience these and many others a lot more often than I do now. I have had counseling and gone through a lot of struggles to get where I am today but thinking or talking about it brings it all right back. BUT I am not going to let it stop me from my goal. I started this blog to share my experiences to make people more aware and that is what I am going to do!
The picture above is me at about age 3. This is the age where he began to molest me. I’m not positive but I have always assumed he was molesting my sisters, one 1 year old and one 1 year younger, around the same time. One of the things he would do is after sharpening his large pocket knife he would shove it in his pocket and then sit us on his lap. He would have us rub his “knife.” We just saw him put the knife in his pocket so we were sure that’s what it was, not sure why he would want us to rub it but we would. Of course, as we got older, we realized it wasn’t his knife, it was his penis!
That is a pretty mild story to share but it still turns my stomach and isn’t easy to tell. I do honestly feel at peace with my past and have done a lot of healing but it’s still not easy to tell.