So a lot of people seem to think I need to forgive him. I understand where they are coming from…….. to an extent. They seem to think if I forgive I won’t feel the pain and effects the abuse has on me. What I want all of you to understand is I don’t experience these things daily, anymore. There was a time where it pretty much consumed me and had a huge impact on my life. It no longer does. Why? Not because I’ve forgiven, or maybe I have. Maybe these people’s idea of forgiveness is something I’ve already done and just don’t realize it. I believe the reason it no longer consumes my life is because I have learned over the years to recognize the triggers, avoid the triggers and learned how to deal with the feelings when I am subjected to those triggers.
Recently I choose to put myself back into direct exposure of a lot of those triggers by volunteering with CASA and by deciding to share my story. I believe if I “forgive” and just stay quiet people aren’t going to understand the horrors of what’s going on in the world around them.
People say I need to let go of the anger. I disagree. I believe more people need to GET angry. If seeing a child being abused doesn’t anger you then you are the one with a problem.
Now as for the physical stuff I was dealing with yesterday, the dizziness and nauseousness, I consider that part of the PTSD an abuse survivor experiences. I don’t think you would ever tell a war veteran that was experiencing PTSD to “forgive”, “let go of the anger” or “quit living in the past”. And you shouldn’t assume that just because an abuse survivor experiences PTSD that they should do those things either. I’m not sure PTSD ever goes away. One just learns to live with it and control the triggers and their effects.
So, please don’t tell me I need to forgive or quit being angry. I am at peace in my life. I know he is paying for his crimes and one day God will take care of the rest. But I am still angry and I’m asking that you too get angry and we stop allowing these horrors to happen to innocent children!